How to Raise Mentally Resilient Children!

In this generation the question how to raise mentally resilient children is on many parents minds. With the challenges of the increased diagnosis of mental health challenges parents are looking for tools and strategies to protect their children. Especially for those starting their journey as parents. Over the coming months I will be sharing more insights through some of my research for my new book series ‘The Scottish Fairies’.

As a parent and student of self-help and personal development for over 30 years. I have studied spiritual authors, successful self help coaches and mindfulness authors. And have came to my own conclusion on parenting and helping to raise mentally resilient children.

Caveats

Before I continue this comes with some caveats! Please don’t be too hard on yourself;

For everyone of us this is our first time being a parent we are all apprentices in parenting.
We are not perfect, the World isn’t perfect and no matter how good a parent you are your children won’t be perfect either. Wait until they are young adults because they will have no problem telling you where they think you have went wrong :).
Life is about making mistakes- as parents we will make them like our kids- the most important thing is learning from them.
Some may find this controversial but I am their Mum not their best friend. I am a mum 1st a friend second-because my job is to say and tell my children things they don’t want to hear- the Truth!

Mastery

Several years back a family friend was conducting a survey and was asking parents what are the three things you would wish most for your child?

With some initial reflection one of the three most important wishes I chose was ‘for my children to master their own thoughts and maintain a positive mental attitude‘ through life’s challenges.

Life will throw you curve balls when you least expect it. No matter how perfect we may paint a picture of our lives on Instagram or Facebook- everyone is facing some sort of a challenge in life. Some are better at hiding it than others. For that reason the most valuable lesson I have gained from reading autobiographies of successful individuals to self help authors is the ‘mastery of our own thoughts’.

Mental Resilience

I am currently listening to the audio book ‘ The Anxious Generation’ by Jonathan Haidt as I illustrate my next book series. A book I would highly recommend this to both parents and anyone wanting a deeper understanding of the impact of technology on our mental resilience .

Many of the topics discussed go back to old fashioned parenting and reverting to the parenting of our parents in the 70’s and 80’s. Much of it basic common sense! Like the habits and rules of Katharine Birbalsingh head teacher of the successful Michaela Community School in London.

Can you remember what your Granny use to tell you, enforce or practice;

“Stop watching the telly (tv) and go outside and play!” In today’s generation try and keep them away from phones, tablets & devices in particular pre-5’s. Instead introduce a love of reading, or arts and crafts building fun ways to develop motor skills, attention, concentration and confidence. Minimise time with Tech.
“Let’s go on our weekly visit to our local library!” A quiet space to allow children to be calm and at peace. Helping develop social skills and how to learn to be quiet in different social settings. And interact and select age appropriate content (child appropriate resources and spaces.)
“It’s bedtime!” Established bedtime routines! Where children calm down, prepare for bedtime with a parent reading a book. Another calm and peaceful space-1970’s Bedrooms free of tv’s, laptops, tablets and gadgets.
“Watershed” For those of us born in the 70’s & 80’s before Sky, Virgin-media, Netflix, Paramount & Apple TV. You had a regulated policy with the few T.V. channels available on the BBC & ITV. Content unsuitable for children or family viewing was only permitted after 9pm at night, in an attempt to protect children accessing inappropriate content. Something impossible to regulate in our current age of social media. Recent UK legislation is at least trying to combat this with restricted access to social media platforms.

Simple Starting Point

The simple starting point for raising mentally resilient children starts with 3’L’s for the under 5’s .With One Rule – find spaces and large blocks of time FREE from phones, tablets, tv’s, radios etc.:

LIVED

LIVED examples- create positive experiences that develop healthy behaviour, habits and routines with mum & dad. Visit the library together (meet new friends at the Bookbug). Read a bedtime story together every night, visit the swing park together. Eat dinner together at the dinner table, visit grandparents on a weekly routine. Visit a museum, the zoo, a park every month. Or go swimming together, play ball together, ride your bike together or feed the ducks at the local park weekly. Live in the real World not the artificial World in side a gadget. Sounds over simplified? Yes- life’s successes aren’t about the big things just a repetition of lots of little good wholesome things!

LOOK

LOOK at– Control what your children see, watch, observe. Focus on finding things that are positive, fun, humorous and imaginative and age appropriate. Replace a tablet with a free book from the library, a lego set, colouring book and pens, or playdoh. Make yourself the firewall that decides what they look at and see and in turn fills their little minds and thoughts.

LISTEN

LISTEN to- Become the essential filter of what they hear. From creating a home where there are rules on language and inappropriate words. To creating your own ‘Watershed’ rules on conversation they are excluded from and not in the room (arguments, family worries). Radio, tv, music and streaming channels that are password protected and restricted. Have a favourite children’s sing-along compilation, a daily limit on tv time. Surround them and let them spend time with positive and encouraging family and friends they feel safe and secure around.

Over the coming months I will be sharing more insights through some of my research for my new book series ‘The Scottish Fairies’.